Saturday, August 27, 2005

Prime beef anyone?

Saw Major Magoo today who reminded me of the cruelty inherent in most of TEAM SAG's powerful people and therefore pervasive and permitted throughout upper management structure.
Unfortunately, TEAM SAG has more than a normal herd's worth of nasty, malicious, mendacious and mean-spirited alpha bovines and bull-calves.

Basically, they are very glad to see me moved to another paddock and out of sight of the front gate (where the public sees us).
It seems I will be assessed as not having the right bloodline or breeding and will be placed in a paddock with all the other rare and exotic breeds.
I will be lucerne-munching with Dutch Belted Cattle (also known as Lakenvelders), British White, Dexter, Enderby Island, Belted Galloway, Standard Galloway, White Galloway, English Longhorn, Luing, Pinzgauer, Red Poll, Sussex, Texas Longhorn, Australian Lowlines, Aberdeen-Angus', Milking shorthorns and Yaks.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

I'm in love with the Bovine Buzz 5000

Thank you.
"I'm not saying public servants don't work very hard, but where's the transparency on this. I just don't think this meets the public interest test. It's a matter of consistency and fairness. Where do the rules get drawn?
Who gets massages and who doesn't?"
Well, I certainly do because I am a hard working Australian Public Servant.
Whilst I accept that in my case I am being made tender for the slaughter, much like they do to their beef cows in Kobe.

I DID however enjoy (for whatever purpose) my tax-payer-funded massage...

Saturday, August 13, 2005

I need a new job!

  • Name: Bessiemoo Boadicea Cow.
  • Age: 19.
  • Education: Veterinary Sociology and Anthropology, Self-actualising Bovinty studies, University of Notre Dame Broome Campus, Western Australia, Australia.
  • Experience: Experiential research into the sexual positions for Water buffalo (the sexy beasts) with a disability who demand full access to artificial insemination (funded by Bovine Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission BREOC). Sam's Offal delicatessen incorporating Sam's Leathergoods and scrimshaw. Big M flavoured milk R&D section, working specifically on prawn flavoured milk.
  • Skills: Mooing, Milk and cream production (has dropped off a little of late...sorry) Ruminating.
  • Interests: Skydiving, Firearms, Global warming, hexadecimal systems, line dancing.
Additionally, you should know that in the past I have been offered a job in both of TEAM SAG's other offices.
I am VERY motivated to graze a pasture and drop poo completley outside of TEAM SAG.

I will work hard to keep my damaged-by-the-Public-Service Tourette's in check.
Yes, even as all the kiss-up kick-down Alpha herd are talking mediation and people-matter and zero-tolerance of workplace bullying.

Thursday, August 11, 2005


All of the issues raised in my latest complaint have been found to be unsubstantiated.
FAHRK did not sign the finding, the Guzzling Goat (GG) did.
GG is a great mate of Head Coach and LLL.
So, TEAM SAG is quite comfortable to have management assess management and find management has no case to answer.
Moreover, GG states that (unbelievably) no one at TEAM SAG HQ has any knowledge of my best in show finding once, let alone twice!

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Poddy dodging

As the Minister assisting the Minister I am on a very tight budget.
So to those of you who are stealing my bandwidth - stop your cattle rustling.
I have made changes so that my most beautiful (and oft stolen) bovines leave the poddy dogder with this image.

You have been branded.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

FAHRK 05.9.2 Annex W to Chapter 9

Was interviewed yesterday.
The inquisitor followed the Interview checklist/outline of questions for a complainant/witness... all 17 of them.
I feel strangely detached. I got mildly annoyed and then very quickly bored by the tedium of re-telling the story.
I will be sent a copy of the interview. I sign off on its accuracy.
Then FAHRK makes his decision.
In keeping with TEAM SAG'S modus operandi; if they don't like the outcome they will just ignore it.
Well, if I don't like it I might do the same.
These will be my only responses to any questions asked:
"Not to the best of my recollection.
I wasn't in the room at the time.
Not in my presence.
Can I have a glass of water please?"