PS Life

Slaughterhouse 5+1

2008-12-03T08:49:00.005+11:00

It has been some time since I came by this paddock to watch the grass grow.
I am moved to wander around this farmlet, counting cows and staring across the green expanse because yesterday I took a call from Major Magoo (MM).
MM's call was brief and to the point.

"Coach has been charged with harassment and will be shot on sight if he comes anywhere near TEAM SAG for a period of 6 months. Basically my little calf- it's all over red rover for the coach."

Vindication is a dish best served tepid.

Nasty, niminy- piminy little note

2006-06-03T13:59:00.004+10:00

TEAMSAG is disappearing

2005-12-16T22:57:00.001+11:00

BRAINS&KEVLAR®

2005-10-12T14:05:00.000+10:00

This lateral move is fabulous.
I have been plonked smack bang into the most left-wing part of the APS.
With the IR reforms looming this will be an interesting journey...

Goodbye, good luck and thanks for all the fish...er hay!

2005-10-02T22:09:00.000+10:00

As is the way in the Australian Public Service with best in show bovines such as myself, I have been 'laterally' moved.

MOO-ves are afoot...

2005-09-30T16:49:00.000+10:00

All throughout TEAM SAG staff are resigning and having calves just to get away I am told. There have never been more vacancies that they can't fill in the APS...ever!

Head Coach, LLL and coach stay where they are, doing exactly what they do best - abuse, deny and bully.
MOO-ve them and you will get/keep your staff.

Cow Manure. $1 a bag. Plenty available

2005-09-15T08:15:00.000+10:00

Today I found out that every staff member at TEAM SAG has called the Union.

Prime beef anyone?

2005-08-27T19:07:00.000+10:00

Saw Major Magoo today who reminded me of the cruelty inherent in most of TEAM SAG's powerful people and therefore pervasive and permitted throughout upper management structure.
Unfortunately, TEAM SAG has more than a normal herd's worth of nasty, malicious, mendacious and mean-spirited alpha bovines and bull-calves.

Basically, they are very glad to see me moved to another paddock and out of sight of the front gate (where the public sees us).
It seems I will be assessed as not having the right bloodline or breeding and will be placed in a paddock with all the other rare and exotic breeds.
I will be lucerne-munching with Dutch Belted Cattle (also known as Lakenvelders), British White, Dexter, Enderby Island, Belted Galloway, Standard Galloway, White Galloway, English Longhorn, Luing, Pinzgauer, Red Poll, Sussex, Texas Longhorn, Australian Lowlines, Aberdeen-Angus', Milking shorthorns and Yaks.

I'm in love with the Bovine Buzz 5000

2005-08-23T20:50:00.000+10:00

MOOOOOO.
Yes.
Thank you.

"I'm not saying public servants don't work very hard, but where's the transparency on this. I just don't think this meets the public interest test. It's a matter of consistency and fairness. Where do the rules get drawn?
Who gets massages and who doesn't?"

Well, I certainly do because I am a hard working Australian Public Servant.
Whilst I accept that in my case I am being made tender for the slaughter, much like they do to their beef cows in Kobe.

I DID however enjoy (for whatever purpose) my tax-payer-funded massage...

I need a new job!

2005-08-13T09:59:00.000+10:00

Name: Bessiemoo Boadicea Cow.
Age: 19.
Education: Veterinary Sociology and Anthropology, Self-actualising Bovinty studies, University of Notre Dame Broome Campus, Western Australia, Australia.
Experience: Experiential research into the sexual positions for Water buffalo (the sexy beasts) with a disability who demand full access to artificial insemination (funded by Bovine Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission BREOC). Sam's Offal delicatessen incorporating Sam's Leathergoods and scrimshaw. Big M flavoured milk R&D section, working specifically on prawn flavoured milk.
Skills: Mooing, Milk and cream production (has dropped off a little of late...sorry) Ruminating.
Interests: Skydiving, Firearms, Global warming, hexadecimal systems, line dancing.

Additionally, you should know that in the past I have been offered a job in both of TEAM SAG's other offices.
I am VERY motivated to graze a pasture and drop poo completley outside of TEAM SAG.

I will work hard to keep my damaged-by-the-Public-Service Tourette's in check.
Yes, even as all the kiss-up kick-down Alpha herd are talking mediation and people-matter and zero-tolerance of workplace bullying.

Unsubstantiated

2005-08-11T07:32:00.000+10:00

All of the issues raised in my latest complaint have been found to be unsubstantiated.
FAHRK did not sign the finding, the Guzzling Goat (GG) did.
GG is a great mate of Head Coach and LLL.
So, TEAM SAG is quite comfortable to have management assess management and find management has no case to answer.
Moreover, GG states that (unbelievably) no one at TEAM SAG HQ has any knowledge of my best in show finding once, let alone twice!

Poddy dodging

2005-08-07T08:10:00.000+10:00

As the Minister assisting the Minister I am on a very tight budget.
So to those of you who are stealing my bandwidth - stop your cattle rustling.
I have made changes so that my most beautiful (and oft stolen) bovines leave the poddy dogder with this image.

You have been branded.

FAHRK 05.9.2 Annex W to Chapter 9

2005-08-02T12:25:00.000+10:00

Was interviewed yesterday.
The inquisitor followed the Interview checklist/outline of questions for a complainant/witness... all 17 of them.
I feel strangely detached. I got mildly annoyed and then very quickly bored by the tedium of re-telling the story.
I will be sent a copy of the interview. I sign off on its accuracy.
Then FAHRK makes his decision.
In keeping with TEAM SAG'S modus operandi; if they don't like the outcome they will just ignore it.
Well, if I don't like it I might do the same.
These will be my only responses to any questions asked:

"Not to the best of my recollection.
I wasn't in the room at the time.
Not in my presence.
Can I have a glass of water please?"

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2005-07-31T14:54:00.000+10:00

I want to work for an organisation where this happens alot!

Tales from the barn

2005-07-30T14:45:00.000+10:00

FAHRK

2005-07-29T19:33:00.000+10:00

I have generated a new complaint it seems.
I initially approached Major Magoo (MM) who said "put it in an email to me."
I let the hurt and rage and sheer incredulity of the arrogance of TEAM SAG'S line management go.
Then I sat with the sympathetic, pretty, udder-friendly farmer boy (SPUFF) who helped me write a document short on emotion and long on facts.
MM got this and called to say that he wants to send this to the famished one who ate heychrr kitty (FAHRK).
Well, now FAHRK is going to send in an independent person to do an assessment.
Assess away cows.
I'm still the best in show...twice!

Beef - eat it rare

2005-07-28T14:15:00.000+10:00

Ready in 2 minutes

2005-07-20T23:40:00.000+10:00

Having been found best in show twice, I am advocating for me to get moved.
I would stay, but I don't trust head Coach or LLL not to infect me with Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy and then have me assessed as unfit for duty.
Bastards.

TEAM SAG has recruited new staff

2005-07-14T22:56:00.000+10:00

Justice must be just around the bend...

2005-07-10T13:41:00.000+10:00

As you know, I was found to be best in show twice!
Now I just have to stay safe and sane until the superstructure deems that a reasonable amount of time has passed and they can take action.

Team cohesion via team building

2005-06-30T23:18:00.000+10:00

It's that time of year again.
TEAM SAG is going on a team building exercise.
We are all piling into a minivan and playing skirmish.
We have to bring our own hay bales and gripe water as lunch is considered a fringe benefit and the taxpayers won't be having any of that.

I'm aiming between the eyebrows for BB and Coach.

TEAM SAG needs some lovin' like the lovin' found at the Fryeburg Cattle Show in Maine, USA

2005-06-23T12:42:00.000+10:00

Did anyone else watch ABC TV on Tuesday night?
The show is called Standard of Perfection and it is amazing. The love between farmer and bovine is something to behold.

"Episode Two, Show Cattle, takes viewers into the world of the bovine makeover and shows how pride and determination, not to mention steel-capped boots, transform a barnyard cow into a regional celebrity.

The Fryeburg Fair. Held annually in October, the Fair signals a time when cattle lovers across New England gather to bath, groom, clip and show their animals over three days of intense competition. Judged against recognised standards in a variety of categories, hundreds of cattle exhibitors compete for six Grand Champion prizes and the coveted crown of Supreme Champion."

I want to be loved like the prettiest cow in Maine is loved.

My workplace is hurting me

2005-06-19T09:11:00.000+10:00

Oops is THAT in my position description!?

2005-06-11T13:38:00.000+10:00

Coach at TEAM SAG is in moo-cho trouble!
The silly cow forgot to perform her core business. She was so busy making sure that time sheets were accurate and that the new cups matched the new carpet that she forgot to do her work.
Moreover, not allowing this little Highland cow to take charge of one of the program areas makes her look inept.

This will be her defense...

"I wasn't in the room at the time, but the Minister assisting the Minister was"

I am patient.
I can wait.

V, v, very mad Cows

2005-06-09T23:04:00.000+10:00

TEAM SAG around Australia is very much like this angry cow from Nigeria - A cow which strayed and killed a bus driver has been detained by police authorities in Nigeria.

"The cow has been arrested and is being detained at Trade Fair police station," police spokesman Olubode Ojajuni said.

He says the bus driver was urinating in a corner when the cow struck him from behind.

"As the man fell down, the cow repeatedly hit him with its hooves and horns until he died." he said.

I spoke to some of the Dutch Belted Cattle (also known as Lakenvelders), the Aberdeen-Angus', and the Milking shorthorns who are all V, v, very angry cows.
Breeding stock for TEAM SAG has dried up and no one wants to come and play in our paddock...and everyone is telling me

"No thanks Minister, I've been fucked over enough"

"Best in Show"

2005-06-03T21:57:00.000+10:00

Sale yards are overflowing

2005-05-24T17:06:00.000+10:00

Oh my!
TEAM SAG is worse than I thought. When offered a free trip to the nation's capital only 25% of us were interested.
What no desire for the fun that a conference is?
No interest in canoodling with colleagues and/or strangers while drunk on the allowances?

Head Coach threw a mild kanipshin when she realised we weren't interested so it's all been postponed indefinately or until we can learn to behave ourselves....
Meshugana MOO!

Being invisible

2005-05-11T23:14:00.000+10:00

Today Major Magoo (MM) called to say that I am entitled to rehabilitation. Wow, I said, what can I become?

a moose
a wallaby
a clouded leopard

MM said he couldn't promise me anything, but his intervention will help! He asked me to describe TEAM SAG.
I told him Coach ignores me and I ignore her back.
MM was silent for a bit then just laughed and laughed...you know it really is too funny.

Deadlines Schmeadlines

2005-05-10T09:06:00.000+10:00

We have regular all-staff meetings at TEAM SAG. They are designed as a forum to meet and share relevant information.
Coach is fabulous at bringing e-mail print outs that run along these lines,

"We've received a request for input into the policy relating to calves. Oh, I see we've missed the cut-off date for submissions, but if anyone is interested in having their say, I'll circulate this and you can respond."

"Oh, here's another request for input from the Minister...Ah, we've missed this cut-off date too, but if anyone is interested, I'll circulate this and you can respond"

Could this be classed as bovine abuse and neglect? Not only in the missing of deadlines, but then telling us of the opportunities we have missed.
Coach should apply some colonic irrigation to her inbox.

Somebody call the RSPCA!

If we can't recruit cows will sheep do?

2005-05-05T18:19:00.000+10:00

TEAM SAG has lost half it's herd. Unfortunately it's not Coach or Biscuit Bob. No one would miss them and in Coach's case sacred cows make the best hamburgers.
No, it's the gentle, aged ruminators that have left. One has retired to the top paddock of wandering, and one got into a serious cattle truck and traveled to bigger and greener pastures.

Eek, egads and all that...more farewell lunch torture.

I adore justice, but poetic justice is the sweetest fruit

2005-04-19T20:44:00.000+10:00

You, my loyal reader, will remember when TEAM SAG welcomed a wonderfully uplifting person to the paddock.
Even better news has transpired. The "Wonderbra" (WB) is now in charge of everything!
WB was promoted two levels above Coach and LLL and one level above Head Coach.
It is pure joy to see them all have to respect and take direction from WB, the new herd leader.

"We need to be wormed..."

2005-04-01T23:26:00.000+10:00

The dumbest of all our ruminators at TEAM SAG was promoted to internal IT support/troubleshooting* today.
Upon this announcement we all howled with laugher with some of us hooting delightedly at the fabulous April Fool's day joke that was being played out.

Oh No!

Noon came and went and it was not a joke.
By half past two Biscuit Bob (BB) had completely deleted, changed, lost, overwritten, or turned into html, the entire electronic filing system.
After blaming the sheep, goats, llamas, terrorists and ants, he decided we had been hacked.
As he pathetically tried to convince network support that our network security had been compromised, the only sound to be heard was the very loud click of them hanging up!

I'm happy, I got to go home early on a pretty, warm, autumn day in Adelaide.

*The position is designed to obviate the need for network staff to drive across town to our building when the printer doesn't work only to find that it wasn't plugged in to the power source.

A comment from a sympathetic, pretty, udder-friendly farmer boy

2005-03-28T13:10:00.000+10:00

With fewer alpha bovines, you should be over the moooooooooooooooooooon.

I suspect the rank and file bovinity will outlast the herd leaders.

Keep your horns down and your udders up, baby. The blood on the abbatoir floor is deepest when the slaughter is almost over.

Pass the HP sauce, please.

Cream production to drop at TEAM SAG

2005-03-28T12:33:00.000+10:00

A letter arrived for everyone from Head Coach and it seems that we are going to provide best practice.

I'm sure the taxpayer funded road trip love-ins will reduce at TEAM SAG.

Government shoots itself in the hoof

2005-03-23T21:37:00.000+11:00

Instead of assessing why there has been a substantial increase in psychological and stress claims, the government is planning to reduce the workers compensation scheme so it no longer covers government employees travelling to and from work.

Mean and stupid bastards.

Can't ruminate, have to protect the paper clips.

2005-03-01T09:56:00.000+11:00

TEAM SAG had a fraud and ethics training session today.
The Australian public service 'loses' more laptops than any other organisation.
Our training focused on inappropriate photocopying (our favourite recipes) and arriving at work as opposed to starting work.

Does my Laptop have a yellow sticker?
You bet your udders it does!
Now for the Photocopier...
got a trailer?

Light under light, dark under dark. So sayeth the panty police.

2005-02-21T11:17:00.000+11:00

Victoria is renowned for all seasons in one day and the weather did not let us down when we organised our annual Family day.

The pony rides were booked. The face-painters, clowns and fairies were a vision of tulle, diaphanous wings, glitter and red noses.
Balloon animals were being twisted and squeaked into their bipedal forms and the onions were caramelising on the barbecue.
Bliss.

Then the sky opened and the rain came down.
Umbrella escorts were organised for the littlest of little people and their care-givers. Hasty thank you and see you next time was exchanged and the lunch ended.
Alas, this service did not extend to TEAM SAG Staff (mainly due to the lack of umbrellas). One staff member who that morning had fatally grabbed a dark coloured g-string panty instead of a light coloured one was caught with her big white arse inside her big white pants as a display all of its own.
Thankfully a fellow staff member who demands more from his aesthetic than most of us offered her a jumper to tie around the offending sight.

The lesson here is always match your underwear to your outerwear and personally I can't believe this is not covered in Management 101.

Memo to all staff. A massive power vacuum has been identified and the restructure needs restructuring. Thank you for your patience.

2005-02-12T21:01:00.000+11:00

Fire Alarm!

2005-02-11T16:29:00.000+11:00

Today was my first day back in the paddock.

Like many organisations we have fire drills and false alarms. Today as I was attending to my e-mail the fire alarm ALARMS me. I work in a multi-storey building and this thing makes it shake!
Me, I've grabbed my bag and I'm out the door. TEAM SAG'S Fire Marshals 1 & 2 are brewing tea...
Colleagues 1-5 are variously worried about:

1. Client confidentiality if he leaves his desk all messy and the marshalling point is in the sun, so he's going to stand in a shady spot
2. Grabbing their lunch and a magazine and the salt and pepper and...
3. Not spilling the coffee or dropping the newspaper and "do you think I can take one of the office chairs to sit down on?"
4. Nothing and not moving out of the office
5. How far the marshalling point is from the building and it's so hot and my legs hurt and Jim from upstairs really does smell doesn't he and look at the hair on that woman and...

I can only assume that my recent overseas travel made me aware of risk and respectful of the structures that are in place for my safety.

Yes, it turned out to be a false alarm.
If we ever have a real fire, all at TEAM SAG will be well-done or overcooked, except for me the rarest of them all...

Off-line and off-shore

2004-12-22T21:45:00.000+11:00

The Australian Public Service has annual, and long-service leave provisions for its staff.
I am therefore Summering in Switzerland.
I will be back at work (and posting) in February 2005.

I hope my country can cope without me...

TEAM SAG's newest new image

2004-12-21T22:08:00.000+11:00

Just before we all go on leave for Christmas, Head Coach announced that we are changing the way we do things.
Hence audits, team-building exercises and workplace conferencing recommendations are all off.

"We will continue to use our corporate identity of TEAM SAG, but it will be enhanced with our new furniture, our new corporate colors and clear, clean, authored lines which will make us relevant again as we meet the challenges of the ever changing, ever dynamic workforce we inhabit with our professionalism, loyalty and commitment."

-Head Coach

Now where did I put my resume?

2004-12-18T21:36:00.000+11:00

Upper echelons of Government continue to slim down TEAM SAG for the garage sale which will happen some time after 01 July 2005. I'm predicting by this time next year or perhaps Jan 06, TEAM SAG is notoriously slack with deadlines.

The new Butcher (we will call the Senate) will have chainsaws and boning knives glistening and whirring and the slaughter won't end until the next federal election.

The 'new' positions will be finalised soon, but I believe there will be more carving into the company's layer of middle management fat, an exercise designed to please the market and make us more palatable.

Wacky ideas leader Head Coach, is more than happy to continue with the meat cleaver in one hand and the "people matter" rhetoric in the other...

Alternate career #4

2004-12-15T22:47:00.000+11:00

The really pretty boys at TEAM SAG could become drag queens.

TEAM SAG is eating itself

2004-12-14T22:04:00.000+11:00

Met up with an experienced public servant today who told me that if my organisation does not stop the major changes it is making, it will self destruct.

It is widely believed that what we produce, our output if you will, has absolutely no value.
The exact quote was

"If TEAM SAG fell over tomorrow no one would notice and even less people would care"

Christmas; eat until you explode...

2004-12-13T22:52:00.000+11:00

We all survived our Christmas lunch.
Poor old Coach and Biscuit Bob ate until they exploded and both are as big as Hereford cattle.

Alternate career #3

2004-12-12T20:30:00.000+11:00

Perhaps the more worldly, well-spoken and intelligent at TEAM SAG could earn a living as Professional Speakers...then again perhaps not!

Alternate career #2

2004-12-12T11:29:00.000+11:00

Those at TEAM SAG who have the bits could find employ as calendar girls.

Just because I didn't see the Veterinarian, doesn't mean that my hoofs aren't worn out.

2004-12-12T10:50:00.000+11:00

Workplace studies of sick leave shows that Australian Workers are by and large honest. The least honest seem to be the bovines from Singapore.

This is a lesson in truth for Head Coach, LLL, heychrr kitty and Coach.

Alternate career #1

2004-12-10T19:55:00.000+11:00

I have been thinking of possible employment opportunities for former middle management of TEAM SAG. How could their skills translate into the wider workforce I wondered?

As I was browsing the job section I spotted this advertisement and immediately thought of LLL.

De-establishing the establishment

2004-12-09T22:56:00.000+11:00

Head Coach at TEAM SAG has de-established some 10 upper management positions.

We low-level ruminators can only watch in amazement seeing these crusty old fucks (like LLL) come to terms with their own demise. Of course there will be a handover/takeover time built in so Head Coach isn't expecting to see the new low-fat beef in Canberra before February 2005. These 10 have to vie for 5 positions if they stay on with TEAM SAG. Those of us who have observed organizational renewal ad-nausium have mid next year as a more realistic time frame.

I am postulating that TEAM SAG will be ready to be privatised by the time the 'new" Senate is in place. There will be no pesky left, left-middle, middle wing Senators to get in the way of privatising everything!

Who could be feeling moocho generous...?

2004-12-08T22:14:00.000+11:00

Ha ha ha.
In this years arcane and tedious Christmas tradition that we know as Cris Cringle, I was allocated the Coach.
We were advised that we should spend around $10.00, but if we really wanted we could spend more.
I have bought
This,

This,

and this.

A call centre in Mumbai...

2004-12-03T01:39:00.000+11:00

Whispers abound that TEAM SAG will become a call centre.
Privatised, streamlined, outsourced and exported...all this for a herd of cattle?

Mortar fire is still a long way off

2004-11-30T23:27:00.000+11:00

We have had our conference at TEAM SAG.
We will be getting new brochures with our new corporate identity colours.
We will also need to do more with less.

Public Service almost takes life

2004-11-27T13:45:00.000+11:00

This RAAF member was treated so shabbily (and illegally I might add) that he almost took his own life.

We assume that in the Australian Defence Forces there is the likelihood of suffering at the hands of the enemy. What then, if the enemy wears khaki and an Australian flag?

If I hear that recruiting into the ADF is difficult; I will not assume it is because people do not want to be killed by insurgents in Iraq or stuck in ships in the Indian ocean. I will however consider that it may be because the Department of Defence is

big on rhetoric

and small on action.

Padre Paul

2004-11-23T18:00:00.000+11:00

I was out on the weekend and who should be checking my appropriate attire and ID, but Padre Paul.
Even when he helped out at TEAM SAG I was concerned about his credentials and motivations.

My question to the padre is WWJD?
What Would Jesus Drink?
I'm thinking he would have a little water with his wine; don't you?!

Relaxation at TEAM SAG

2004-11-17T21:46:00.000+11:00

This time of year is always quiet in our little corner of the Public Service. Our much valued skill and expertise is just not as critical to our handful of customers.

I believe they are getting their needs met elsewhere. With our vigorous data capturing program we can't invent customers as easily as we once used to.

Sorry have to go...
*start rumination*
must look busy for Coach and LLL.
Moo
Chew
Moo
Chew
Moo

TEAM SAG has had its security systems checked.

2004-11-16T23:17:00.000+11:00

This is what they recommend.

When the cow is away the calves will play...

2004-11-16T22:58:00.000+11:00

and we calves are terribly addicted to our caffeine.
What fun!
Coach can stay away forever.

Head Coach; quite the prize-winning cow!

2004-11-14T02:44:00.000+11:00

Deep throat informs all that LLL is close to becoming fertiliser.
Changes to the organisation are likely to take out middle management.

Head Coach says,

"We are in a drought! Time to take the excess cattle to the sale yards."

CPS MOO

2004-11-13T09:34:00.000+11:00

Milking time

2004-11-13T08:26:00.000+11:00

We at TEAM SAG are all going to be herded into a cattle truck and taken to a Royal Agricultural Show.
It seems the SAGETTES will be inspected for:

skills held
volume of output
time/motion efficiency

I can't wait!
I hope some nice farmer plays with my udders.

Group Portrait

2004-11-05T22:30:00.000+11:00

Homo-social bonding

2004-11-05T20:59:00.000+11:00

TEAM SAG is meeting with all the other SAGETTES to help move the Organisation forward.

Consultants are being retained to co-ordinate our publications, our levels of service and our customer profile.
Eek, egad and all that.

I can feel a beige spell looming.

Spotlight aimed!

2004-11-05T11:58:00.000+11:00

Received confirmation that contact has occurred with the government body protecting my 5.29 rights.
It is quite an analytical feat to predict what will happen. So far Head Coach, Coach and LLL are quiet.

This will be interesting to observe.

Inter-species frolicking, and other gambols.

2004-11-04T19:00:00.000+11:00

Met with the only other goddess ever to grace TEAM SAG.

What fun.
Stories of splashing with dolphins and other aquatic mammalia,
the combined weight of a really deep tan,
and the gorgeous,
frothy artwork on top of a good Mocha.

The time to end came way to soon.

It's the nature of the beast, just don't put your head in its mouth.

2004-11-02T18:37:00.000+11:00

This is what one of my beautiful brothers said to me...
Thank you M.

Facts:

A valid case exists
Head Coach, Coach and LLL are refusing to address the recommendations
Parallel organisations designed to implement the decisions are either corrupt or inept (probably a bit of both)
Clause 5.29 enshrines my rights

Today I posted my letter that will land on the desk of a Government body that will shine a big spotlight on me, my case and my Organisation.

I am prepared for the accusations.
I am prepared for the lies.
I am prepared for the viciousness.
I plan to emerge vindicated.

Neo-Marxism; not for everybody

2004-10-30T16:00:00.000+10:00

Took quite a blow yesterday.

It seems that my initial action has been diluted to one event and even if it gets to the next level of appeal, the workplace bullying that is inherent in the complaint will not be addressed.

Do I grieve it again/still?
Will it make my situation any better?
Will I care?

They have won in one analysis.
If I stay and work-to-rule and take the megabucks will I have won?

Just call me Donna:

"She works hard for the money
so hard for it honey
she works hard for the money
so you better treat her right"

Doing a John

2004-10-27T22:37:00.000+10:00

Whilst doing a John may sound like it's sex work it's actually in honour of my boss John Winston Howard.

John; the ultimate public servant - my role model.

I have decided that I will not actively participate in my demise from TEAM SAG.
John said, some weeks before his fourth successful term;

"Well, I will stay as long as my party was (sic) me to. I will also do the right thing by them. I will always do the right thing for the people."

John has been successful by being steady and measured. Under his brinkmanship I believe that I can breathe in and out in the vicinity of my office for months before anyone realises that I have done very little and I am found out...
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Repeat.

Miss Happy pants

2004-10-26T22:56:00.000+10:00

Every team has an optimistic person.
TEAM SAG is no exception.
Our very own optimism Queen believes that if you just keep trying (and praying) then everything will be OK.
*sigh*
I will be observing this particular sacrifice...

Harm minimisation

2004-10-25T18:52:00.000+10:00

Coach will be away most of the week getting a new coat of paint/high colonic irrigation/auxiliary brain fitting...I'm not sure which.

Either way it equates to harm minimisation at TEAM SAG.

Motherhood statements for barren Bovines

2004-10-23T15:50:00.000+10:00

The workplace conference is now almost over.
Motherhood statements abound.

We are so fucking pathetic that we needed to codify interactions as courteous and polite.

I'm hoping now that Howard has ditched Dana Vale all that insipid, breathy, saccharine insincerity will be ditched too.
Unfortunately TEAM SAG didn't realise that Dana is last term and so is her insufferable ineptitude.

Perhaps we have to have our own version of the Bay of Pigs before we realise that communication has to have purpose, differentiation and at times it will be robust.

"Excuse me, um is now ok, sorry, um, sorry to bother you, but is now a good time to tell you that a fully loaded Fennec training helicopter is heading straight for our building and um, I think, um, sorry to worry you, no, no, don't get upset, sorry, um, we might become potentially affected people, um or should I come back later?"

Rode hard, put away wet.

2004-10-22T21:01:00.000+10:00

There were not enough buckets for all the vomit, but everyone else reported they felt purged.
Funny, the experience felt more like force feeding to me.

Individual psychic vomit

2004-10-21T23:31:00.000+10:00

Today I had a follow up ind psych vom from the Compliance King (CK).
This is my second hour and a half of this level of unease and discomfort.

It feels like more of the same 'be nicer' stuff.
Well, what about the systematic workplace bullying?
What about the secondary review?
Any thoughts on the call for zero tolerance of bullying in the workplace from the Head Coach...in one of her infamous 3-page e-mail missives?

Tomorrow will be tough.
Group psychic vomit.
CK,
Head Coach,
LLL,
TEAM SAG ,
all in the one room,
all day,
lunch provided

TEAM SAG might be a Coach killing machine!

2004-10-16T23:18:00.000+10:00

Yay, TEAM SAG will be visited by a workplace conferencing team in the next 6-8 weeks. It seems Head Coach and LLL are suspicious of TEAM SAG and believe we are hiding a Coach abattoir.

"The time for action is past!
Now is the time for senseless bickering!"-Ashleigh Brilliant

for a fellow goddess at TEAM SAG

2004-09-24T23:16:00.000+10:00

civility -5, vindication +23

2004-09-07T23:01:00.000+10:00

It seems I've won!
I'm not sure what my grand prize is.
I'm even less sure if it matters.
Upstream management and coaches at TEAM SAG are conspicuously absent from the game and I seem to be in quite a small home side.
I believe that was the referee's whistle...

clear vision

2004-08-31T23:15:00.000+10:00

I come here to drink de milk not count de cows

2004-08-30T23:11:00.000+10:00

LLL and heychrr kitty dropped in on the Coach and just as quickly disappeared.
You lazy ruminating quadrupeds!
mmooo.

Bovine Beauty is going to the dogs

2004-08-24T23:09:00.000+10:00

It's happening as I always hoped.
TEAM SAG's Coach is unravelling.
Poor, poor clueless you!
Bits of you will be sitting in doggy bellies all over Australia.
Fang...dinnertime!

Bovine's on ice

2004-08-20T23:06:00.000+10:00

I'm hoping to get Head Coach, Coach and LLL at TEAM SAG cryogenically preserved.

hiding is an art

2004-08-20T23:05:00.000+10:00

Some people are good at hiding,
some people are not.
Head Coach, Coach and LLL are not Cubists, Surrealists or Abstract Impressionists.
They are however very skilled in the fine art of being away...

Missing cows alert; be alarmed!

2004-08-19T23:02:00.000+10:00

TEAM SAG has lost it's two most impressive bovine beauties.
Reward offered for the safe return of the Coach and our lovingly anointed Liberally Lubricated Leader (LLL)
Coach and LLL were last seen looking at greener pastures.

find another target

2004-08-14T21:59:00.000+10:00

I am wrapped layer by layer in irrefutable truths.
There are people with gold on their shoulders in my corner.
I am well protected and today I feel safe.

Your six month reign has wounded me in ways that I have yet to fathom.
Most days I wail.
Sounds come from subterranean depths and I hate you for that.
Each night my sleep is restless and I replay the days' events.
Each day I recognise myself less and less and protect myself with more and more armour.

I guess you will be done when I cease to be and you can sup on my carcass...

Well, Fuck Off, there's still blood pumping through my veins and flesh on my bones.

performance enhancing drugs not found at TEAM SAG

2004-08-13T21:58:00.000+10:00

no late night training sessions,
no special diets,
no personal fitness trainers
no personal bests,
no hope of a Gold, or Silver, or Bronze Medal...
not even empty syringes,

...Just the cheesy hitsquad - Head Coach, Coach and LLL.

JFK, Scotch and two goddess's

2004-08-11T21:55:00.000+10:00

President Kennedy was an astute man.

In amoungst my favourite of his many great quotes-

"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible
will make violent revolution inevitable." John F. Kennedy, In a speech at the White House, 1962,

and being nothing short of appropriately and stunningly gorgeous, two goddess's met, cared, laughed and cried...

Uplift at TEAM SAG

2004-08-02T21:45:00.000+10:00

Today I was introduced to the wonderbra for TEAM SAG.

A person who is so uplifting that our team could actually win the Premiership and we could be proud of ourselves.

nice pills (subsidised by management)

2004-08-01T21:43:00.000+10:00

LLL at TEAM SAG told me that
"You come across as aggressive and abusive"
I told him I see myself as honest and straight forward.
He told me to
"just be nicer..."
Well, Sir, nice is not in my vocabulary, however I am familiar with the words fraud and whistleblower.

oops my useby date was 138 days ago

2004-07-28T21:35:00.000+10:00

Imagine being the sort of person that has Macro plans for 2, 3 and 8 months into the future, but you have no clue about what is happening now.
Coach at TEAM SAG is such a person.

Moreover, now keeps being...now.

MAJOR "Stormin" A. Teacup

2004-06-06T21:47:00.000+10:00

The Ballad of Biscuit Bob
Sung to the theme of "The Beverly Hillbillies"

(sing out loud for full effect)

Come and listen to the story 'bout Biscuit Bob
Most of his co-workers think he is a knob
Then one day while policin' guest food
He saw sumpin missin'- so he mumbled sumpin' crude!

...Nicked biscuits, that is... filched fruitcakes...
and half the tea!

Well the next thing you know Bob's pullin' out his hair
Not real smart cos there ain't a lot up there
He scrawled out a memo and squeal'd a piggy squeal-
"SOMEBODY HERE'S EATIN' BISCUITS EVR'Y MEAL!"

...Orange cream oinkers, that is... shortbread hawgs...

Now the bickies and the cakes are under lock and key
Gotta sign away your mum just to fix a cup a tea
You can starve right to death, you can whinge all day or sob,
But you'll never get a morsel out of Biscuit Bob!

...and stay away from my lunch now, ya hear?

Cow tipping point

2004-05-05T21:37:00.000+10:00

What is cow tipping?

It is a strange fact of nature that cows sleep standing up. Several theories have been proposed as to why this is so, but the prevailing idea is that sleeping upright is an evolved defense mechanism that provides the cow with a better opportunity to escape predators. Whatever the reason, you can use this natural anomaly for your recreational pleasure!

Cow tipping is a tradition among rural youths that has been around since humans first domesticated the bovine species. The practice is a great way to increase self-confidence at an early age.

What is a Tipping Point?

It's a concept that recognises a new way of understanding why change often happens as quickly and as unexpectedly as it does.
It's that ideas and behavior sometimes behave just like outbreaks of infectious disease. They are a social and cultural epidemic.

Epidemics behave in a very unusual and counterintuitive way.
The argument is that it is also the way that change often happens in the rest of the world. Things can happen all at once, and little changes can make a huge difference. As human beings, we always expect everyday change to happen slowly and steadily, and for there to be some relationship between cause and effect. And when there isn't we're surprised.

Epidemiologists have a strikingly different way of looking at the world. They don't share the assumptions the rest of us have about how and why change happens. The word "Tipping Point", for example, comes from the world of epidemiology. It's the name given to that moment in an epidemic when a virus reaches critical mass.
Wouldn't it be cool to look for Tipping Points in government, or in social policy?

Perhaps I could upend all the cows - Head Coach, Coach and LLL (who do sleep standing up) at TEAM SAG and effect a change.

Spin it 'til you like it-gate

2004-04-01T21:24:00.000+10:00

When a Government behaves in a dishonest way it sends the message to society that it is ok to get it fundamentally wrong and subsequently take no responsibility or action for the Chaos that ensues from that wrong.

I live in such a land and I work for such a government.

We know that Howard, Downer, Ruddock, Reith and Vanstone lied.
This gave every Government Minister (and by association) every Executive branch public servant tacit permission to do the same.

I grieve for the organisation we could have been...

You're a goat. I'm a cow.

2004-03-01T10:29:00.000+11:00

Have you ever had a moment where you instinctively know that what happens from here will have profound implications on the future.
I have.
Today was one such day.
Coach is rescinding permission.
I am going to grieve his decision.
This will get drawn out and complicated and I hope I don't get turned into mincemeat.